


the star-spangled man and the winter soldier’s adventures in the future

by nightcap



Series: the star-spangled man and the winter soldier [1]
Category: Captain America (Movies)
Genre: Crack, Fluff, Fluff and Crack, M/M, One Shot, Post-Captain America: The Winter Soldier, patriotic nonagenarians vs. the future, that's all, that's literally all there is, they go shopping and on a lot of errands
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-07-04
Updated: 2014-07-04
Packaged: 2018-02-07 11:20:20
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,404
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1897113
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nightcap/pseuds/nightcap
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>alternately titled: a venti macchiato for the asset.</p><p>“Hey, jerk,” says the star-spangled man, dropping the soft weight of a plastic bag on the winter soldier’s lap. “Got these for you.”</p><p>The winter soldier lifts a pair of jeans. They’re dark-wash, skinny, and have a back pocket that peels away to reveal gold studs. “These are women’s jeans,” he says blankly.</p><p>“They’re <i>stylish</i>,” says the star-spangled man.</p>
            </blockquote>





	the star-spangled man and the winter soldier’s adventures in the future

**Author's Note:**

  * For [gwenstacy](https://archiveofourown.org/users/gwenstacy/gifts).



> also known as [emma](http://gwenstacys.tumblr.com/), my wingman, who was inexplicably assigned to me for an exchange i signed up for.

**Subway**

The winter soldier favors his left arm. He has used it to tear out blood-soaked throats, spines, and the occasional steering wheel. He has used it to load countless handguns, and to carry knives, gingerly, between his fingers. Currently, he is using it to apply extra honey mustard to his Subway sandwich.

“I said _extra_ honey mustard”, he says, lifting his head and looking straight in the eyes of the Subway man, who is standing behind the sneeze guard.

“I’m sorry, sir,” says the Subway man, “I thought you said extra tomatoes.”

The winter soldier cranks up the level of cold in his glare. The Subway man shivers.

 

**Starbucks**

“A venti vanilla macchiato for my friend here,” says the star-spangled man, with a polite smile at the barista.

“Of course,” she says, entering something on a keypad. “Name?”

The star-spangled man looks hopefully at the winter soldier. The winter soldier blinks slowly and frowns.

“Name?” prompts the barista.

The winter soldier frowns deeper. The star-spangled man’s polite smile becomes apologetic.

“The asset,” says the winter soldier. He takes the napkin dispenser, tucks it under his right arm, and leaves the coffee shop.

 

**Barnes and Noble**

“Can you tell us more about the Nook?” asks the star-spangled man, setting his arm casually on the counter (he actually owns an e-reader (or three), but he’s gotten very used to the pretense of not understanding technology, for reasons).

“This one is the Glowlight,” says the employee, Dave, gesturing proudly. “Our newest product. Just hit the stores. It’s, like, totally bright, but you can turn it down if it hurts your eyes. And it’s _great_ for casual readers. Wide selection of e-books. It's fantastic. Bought one for my grandma, and my aunt, and –”

“Good. My friend here is a very casual reader,” says the star-spangled man, grinning fondly at the winter soldier. The winter soldier picks up the Glowlight and breaks it in half.

(A pause.)

“I’m so, so sorry,” say the star-spangled man sincerely. “I’ll, uh, send in the repair money – so sorry, again, by the way –”

“Um,” says Dave, watching his customers run out of the store.

 

**Abercrombie and Fitch**

“It smells like someone’s pissing perfume in here,” says the winter soldier.

 

**Target**

“Seven pints of half-baked,” says the star-spangled man, checking something off a slightly-wrinkled piece of paper. “Orange juice? Check, got that. Laundry detergent.”

“They have so many things here,” says the winter soldier, appalled.

“They sure do,” says the star-spangled man, grabbing a package of mint Oreos for his friend Nat.

“Can we buy this,” says the winter soldier, running his fingers through the synthetic pink and green fringe of a rug.

“Yes,” says the star-spangled man, setting it in the cart next to a pot of black eye shadow.

 

**Marshall’s**

“Hey, jerk,” says the star-spangled man, dropping the soft weight of a plastic bag on the winter soldier’s lap. “Got these for you.”

The winter soldier lifts a pair of jeans. They’re dark-wash, skinny, and have a back pocket that peels away to reveal gold studs. “These are women’s jeans,” he says blankly.

“They’re _stylish_ ,” says the star-spangled man.

 

**Pinkberry**

“Toppings?” asks the salesgirl, who has two large frozen yogurts in front of her, one pomegranate and one watermelon.

“Some of that,” says the winter soldier, pointing a gloved finger at the rice pillow-looking things.

“Some mochi,” says the salesgirl, taking two spoonfuls. “Anything else?”

“More,” says the winter soldier, furrowing his brow.

“Sure,” she says, adding two more spoonfuls. “Is that all?”

“More,” says the winter soldier.

“I’ll have some M&M’s,” says the star-spangled man. “And pineapple, that’s good too.”

 

**Hollister**

“Hi, how can I help you,” says the youngish-looking employee, looking the winter soldier up and down with a roguish grin on his face.

“I can’t see, and it smells like someone’s pissing perfume in here.”

 

**Gold’s Gym**

It smells like sweat and Axe body spray. The treadmill belt is dusty, and the walls are a little damp.

“Hey,” says a burly man, looking nervously at the winter soldier. “Do you – have tips? I just saw you lifting, like, _350_ , and…”

The winter soldier stares him down. “I spent over seventy years training with the red room, and other various covert and/or mostly illegal operations,” he says, holding the weight still above his chest.

The burly man blinks.

“He comes here six days a week,” calls the star-spangled man, on a rowing machine nearby.

“Right, thank you,” says the burly man. Sweat drips down his nose. He leaves.

The winter soldier turns to the star-spangled man, and the look on his face could almost be considered a smile.

 

**Frankie’s Neighborhood Grocery and Pharmacy**

“Hi,” says a slim blonde pop star-looking woman. “Are you looking for tomatoes? The heirlooms here are really great.”

“Thank you,” says the winter soldier, something growing and pressing uncomfortably against the edges of his chest. “I need to make tomato sauce. For pasta.”

“Yeah, make sure you get some garlic,” she says, kindly, gesturing for him to follow her. “And oregano, oh my god, maybe some mint? But not too much.”

“Ah,” says the winter soldier, walking behind her, “Thanks.”

“It’s no problem,” says the woman, smiling beatifically, dropping several boxes of brownie mix in his basket. “This stuff is absolutely delicious, buy it if you want. Do you have a cat?”

“No,” says the winter soldier, who tries his best to look intimidating, and instead comes off as slightly itchy and maybe a little emotionally-constipated.

“Well, I have a meeting to get to,” she says, reaching out a hand. The winter soldier shakes it.

“Thanks,” he says.

“Wow,” says the star-spangled man later, coming out of the grocery store restroom. “That’s a lot of stuff. Did you pick it out?”

“Yes,” says the winter soldier. The star-spangled man beams.

“I’ll pay for all of it.”

 

**Netflix**

“He just killed that girl,” says the winter soldier, frowning. “She was innocent. What the _fuck_ are they –”

“We should’ve picked Leap Year,” says the star-spangled man, sighing. “It has Amy Adams. I like Amy Adams. She’s so spunky.”

“Shut up,” says the winter soldier, leaning forward. “Look, they’re fucking _lying_. What the fuck. Why would they do that to Tilikum, who would do that. I wouldn’t do that.”

“Or the Princess Bride,” says the star-spangled man, holding out a pretend sword. “My name is Inigo Montoya. You killed my father. Prepare to –”

“Jesus Christ,” says the winter soldier, feeling something fiery at the bottom of his ribcage. “Jesus _Christ_. They have feelings too, you fuckers, they’re whales, but – look in their eyes, fuck.”

“Prepare to die,” says the star-spangled man, jabbing at the air.

 

**Panera**

The star-spangled man orders the winter soldier a Summer Salad (complete with Strawberries and slices of Almonds, all with a dressing that promises to be Literal Liquid Sunshine), and his sense of irony is appreciated by pretty much no one.

“This’ll thaw you out,” says the star-spangled man, dropping a slice of lemon in his cup of water. “It’s pretty good. Sam likes it, you know Sam.”

“Where’re the _carbs_ ,” spits the winter soldier, jabbing at purplish leaves. “Where is the _meat_.”

“There’s grilled chicken,” the star-spangled man points out, helpfully. The winter soldier rolls his eyes.

Both their plates are empty when they leave.

 

**Staples**

The winter soldier steals a three-ring binder. The star-spangled man lets it lie under the winter soldier’s bed for a week before he returns it to the store, with an apology letter and an envelope containing a REI gift card.

 

**Sephora**

“It says this’ll bring out your skin tone,” says the star-spangled man, turning a container of blush around in his hands. “Or we can just get some of that charcoal-eye shadow stuff you like.”

“It’s not makeup,” growls the winter soldier. “It’s camouflage war paint. It’s so I can –”

“You’re such a _punk_ ,” says the star-spangled man. Then, “Hey, look at how pretty this lipstick is. The salesgirl says it doesn’t rub off, basically. It’s so pearly. Here, kind of pout a little, with your lips instead of with your eyebrows like you usually do.”

The winter soldier closes his eyes and pouts.

“Mmph – look at that – that’s perfect. It really makes your eyes pop,” says the star-spangled man. They both smile.

(There is a strange feeling in the winter soldier’s chest: bright and soft, almost. It feels like the beginning of something.)

**Author's Note:**

> happy birthday, steve rogers. 
> 
> tumblr: jamesbchnan


End file.
